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Taylor remembers the day police came to take her mom to prison:"I was crying, because it was hard to see them come and take my mom. I was mad at everybody. You could say I was mad at the world," Taylor (pictured left) told Howard Zehr and Lorraine Stutzman Amstutz, authors of 'What Will Happen to Me?'
The book is a resource for children whose parents have been incarcerated and for caregivers who have taken responsibility for these children.
The book looks at the issues related to this country's mass incarceration of millions of adults, has a children's bill of rights and also has 10 questions commonly asked by children whose parents are in prison.
The practical guide also uses real stories from children and caregivers in their own words and provides resources, such as how to keep kids in touch with their incarcerated parents, and ways for caregivers to remain emotionally healthy.
On any given day in America, there are 3-million children with one or both parents locked behind bars. While 1 in 110 white children have a parent in prison, for African-Americans, that figure is 1 in 15.
"When we were ready to go to press, we looked at the proportion of children of color in the book and it was such a high proportion we asked if we were out of line," Zehr, professor of restorative justice at Eastern Mennonite University's graduate Center for Justice and Peacebuilding, said in an interview with Aol. Black Voices.
"But I checked it and we were right in line. When you look at the figures, it's just astonishing. This is a huge issue for all of our communities, but it impacts the African-American community so heavily."
And when a parent goes to prison, the consequences for their children are stark. Zehr calls the children of incarcerated parents the "hidden victims of our crime policies."
It is three times more likely that the child of an incarcerated parent will engage in violence or drug abuse. They also have twice the odds of developing mental health issues.
"They are often dealing with a lot of issues around abandonment, worries about what's happening with their parent or home and future. They wrestle with an irrational guilt that they are responsible. There is a lot of shame," Zehr said.
"A lot of the children talked about how they didn't want anyone else to know and how they didn't know other children like this. There is a lot of anxiety. A lot of children did not know the truth about what happened and so they imagined all kinds of things about the situation their parents were in."
Listening to kids like Taylor, it's not hard understanding why.
"I felt like nobody could understand what I was going through, 'cause they probably didn't have it happen to them. So didn't nobody understand me. You know, I was just misunderstood," Taylor said.
Zehr said there are a few things that need to happen to deal with this crisis.First, this country needs to reexamine its incarceration policies.
Seventy-five percent of the people who have been incarcerated have drug problems, but only 28 percent receive treatment once behind bars. Many of these people will re-offend. Instead of sending these people to jail, there should be more alternatives to incarceration, Zehr said.
"There are some policy makers who have pushed for tough policies on imprisonment who now realize it is counterproductive and expensive. We are spending $50 billion a year on our prisons and jails, and that's at a time when our social services are being cut. There is a growing realization that this is not a rational policy, but at the same time, we still have, on average, a new prison or jail going online every week," said Zehr.
Policy makers also need to realize the importance of children maintaining contact with their incarcerated parents. About half of parents in prison report never having a visit from their child.
"The research is pretty clear that parents who are in prison and who maintain contact with their children are less likely to repeat the offending behavior when they get out," Zehr said.
That is often difficult, because prisons are often far from the population centers and visits place a financial and time burden on already overburdened caregivers. Contact also helps children understand what is happening to their parent and that it has nothing to do with them.
"Often, caregivers are reluctant to tell them the truth. The result is worse than telling them the truth. There is a lot of grief, sadness and anger," said Zehr, adding, this often plays itself out in emotional problems and acting out. "The motives are good but the evidence suggests that it backfires. They imagine all kinds of things."
Jermaine, (pictured right) one of the young persons interviewed in "What Will Happen to Me?," is an example of what can happen when children are left in the dark.
When his father was incarcerated at 15, Jermaine's mother and stepfather told him it was something serious but never explained the situation. Jermaine's father wrote letters, but the confused teen ignored them. That led to fears and doubts about his own future, even as he prepared to go to college."To this day, I fear that it could happen to me. If what happened to him happens to me, will I react the same way and put myself in the same position?" Jermaine said in the book.
"If I had known the truth, it probably would've made me more interested in reading the letters," he said.
That's why caregivers need support to raise children with incarcerated parents. In the African-American community, it is often grandparents and even great-grandparents who are left to raise their children's children.
"One of the ironies is a number of grandparents said that if they were foster parents they would get money. A number of these people are retired and on a fixed income. They are beyond the phase in their lives when they thought they would be raising children," said Zehr. "Having some children placed with the famlily is more valuable than foster care, and we ought to be at least providing as much assistance as foster care."
Carolyn and Darnell Hobbs (pictured below with their grandchildren) told Zehr about the difficulty of raising their two grandchildren. Simple things like Saturday morning trips to the flea market are now a thing of the past and finances are a concern.
"We just missed our freedom," Carolyn Hobbs said. "Foster parents get money to keep these kids. We can't get nothin', and we're on a fixed income. There's a lot of things you would like to do that you can't do for that reason."
Finally, the transition from prison back to the outside world can be a difficult and stressful time, even more so when children are involved.
Returning parents are often anxious to assume their parental role, but they have to deal with caregivers who are concerned about their past and future behavior and resentful children. That's why reentry by an incarcerated parent should be a managed process.
"If we don't provide treatment and reentry options, many are going to end up back in prison. We know if there are family contacts, reeentry is more likely to be successful, but the reentry needs to be planned and conscious, rather than just dropping a parent back in to the situation," said Zehr.
But there is hope.
Taylor found a friend who also has an incarcerated parent, so she doesn't feel as alone, saying she doesn't have to "carry around all that weight anymore." She has also found positive outlets for her energy and creativity. Taylor still wishes her mother could see her praise-dance at church or participate in her school Black History Month play, but she has developed a powerful message of hope for other kids in her situation:
"I want other kids to know that even though your parents are locked up, they're not bad people. They just did something that they shouldn't have done. And it really affects us, the kids. It really does. And I want them to know that we'll get through it. As long as we have someone that's there to help us, we can get through it. It makes you stronger - I know it's made me stronger."
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