So Neil Young was wrong. "Rock and roll will never die," the whiny-voiced old coot told us, and we believed him. But now along comes Paul Gambaccini, the self-styled "Professor of Pop", to announce that, since only three rock songs appeared in last year's top 100 singles, the genre has expired.
"It is the end of the rock era. It's over, in the same way the jazz era is over," Gambaccini said, dancing on the grave of Ronnie James Dio like some demented Mr Punch. "That doesn't mean there will be no more good rock musicians, but rock as a prevailing style is part of music history." God gave rock'n'roll to you, gave rock'n'roll to you, gave rock'n'roll to everyone: but what the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.
The first thing to be said is that the absence of rock from the singles chart doesn't prove rock is dead. It simply proves that the people who buy singles aren't buying rock. It suggests, assuming rock fans do still exist, either that they are buying albums (perhaps the rock fans of today are older and wealthier), or that they are stealing albums (sorry, yes, piracy isn't technically theft ? but let's not bore on about that, eh?), or that they are watching rock music live.
My guess is that it's all three. The demise of Melody Maker, the withering of NME, and the amazing retro-ness of the rock scene over the last few years, with bands (Pixies, Jane's Addiction, Dinosaur Jr, Led Zep etc etc) reforming all over the shop and/or playing their old albums (Suede, Flaming Lips, Primal Scream etc etc) indicates that the teenage rock fans of yesterday are the middle-aged rock nostalgists of today. It is kids ? or very old ladies, perhaps ? who buy singles, and they are listening to pop and R&B.
The problem is that if the kids aren't listening to rock, when they go into the music industry they won't make rock. It is going to run out. We have discovered too late that rock, like fossil fuels, is a finite resource. Sometime in the early 1990s, we hit Peak Rock: we now have only managed decline and a Mad Max style post-rock world to look forward to. Don't get me wrong. I love rock music. I'm so uncool I even sing along to the Killers in the car. But I have to recognise that I am that old fart I warned my younger self about. When I go to rock concerts, I don't look about me and see The Kids. I look around me and see The Man. The world's remaining rock deposits are being stripmined by irresponsible members of the boomer and post-boomer generations.
Sonic Youth gig? Lots of middle-aged men in hoodies with faces like baked potatoes. Half Man Half Biscuit gig? Lots of middle-aged men in hoodies with faces like baked potatoes. Mogwai gig? Lots of middle-aged men in hoodies with faces like baked potatoes. There are differences. At the HMHB gig they'll be pogoing; at the Mogwai gig they'll be sort of nodding their heads with their eyes closed; and at the Sonic Youth gig they'll have their fingers in their ears. But these are my people.
Why don't we admit the game is up and go nodding to our rest: out of the blue and into the black? It would almost certainly be for the best. Just think how embarrassing the continued existence of rock'n'roll is for our children. Look at it from their point of view. What are the signifiers of rock ? or "rawk", as professional music journalists like to call it? What is eau de rock? Even those of us who love guitars and drums and shouting must concede that, put down in plain black and white, those signifiers make rock music look like the David Brent of musical genres.
For a start, there's that devil-horn thing metal fans do with their hands. Apparently, it is called the "maloik". Wikipedia describes its signification unimprovably: "The sign eventually came to signify, variously, that the one gesturing is rocking him or herself, is encouraging the recipient of the gesture to rock, and/or that he/she emphatically appreciates the rocking that has already commenced."
Who are the iconic rock fans in popular culture? They are Beavis and Butthead, Bill and Ted, Wayne and Garth, and Jack Black's character in School of Rock. Rock has given us the worst clothes, the worst haircuts, and the worst dances of all time. It has given us air guitar. It has given us Billy Idol. It has given us people who shout "Rock'n'ROOOLLLL!"
For all its shortcomings, though, I'll miss it. I'll miss wandering home on a cold night in a sweaty T-shirt and being deaf for three days afterwards. And I'll shed a tear for all those roadies released abruptly into the wild and muttering "onetwo . . . onetwo . . . onetwo" as they struggle to make sense of an existence without soundchecks and Marshall stacks. I'll even miss Bryan Adams a little bit.
Mogwai's forthcoming album has the optimistic title Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will. Only half right, I'm afraid.
Ashley Scott Michelle Behennah Julie Benz Saira Mohan Brittny Gastineau
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